A New Puzzle

So, I recently moved down to Scottsdale, Arizona and my first couple months here have been rough. For me, everyday is a consistent fight to remember who I am and avoid conforming to what everyone else has so easily conformed to. Coming from a community where the minorities were the majority, it's difficult to be surrounded by people who don't understand my ethnic background, morals, culture, and religion. It's normal to wish to fit in, but I've realized that "fitting in" for me would mean to follow extreme measures that would force me to change my own genetic makeup. The struggle to be understood in this community is overwhelming. So, to help any outsiders understand what my experience has been like, I wrote a poem about it.

A New Puzzle

Noor Abuhayyeh I view the world as a puzzle.

There are pieces that so easily fit together,

Like the clasp of a necklace,

Ideas that are received as common sense.

But then there are pieces that stand out

Like a peacock in a peep of chicks,

Ones that you’ve been trying to find a place for for months.

The one remaining piece that doesn’t connect in its designated spot.

This puzzle piece is different.

It’s edges are curved, not sharp

It’s size is large, not small

It’s contribution to the image is worthy, not useless

But still,

Doubt envelops the mind

It is thought that this piece was mistakenly designed

Confined to this puzzle where it doesn’t belong.

As if it’s in the box just to tag-along,

Seems the manufacturer matched this piece to the incorrect puzzle.

For the first 15 years of my life I had been dedicated to one puzzle.

Intertwining pieces like the hand-holding of a mother and her son.

And when I finally found a place for all the pieces my puzzle was stripped away from me

And I was told it was time to start a new one.

Forced to open a new box,

I marveled at the sight of a foreign image

Unknowing of this ruthless scrimmage I’d unwillingly play against everyone else.

An uneven set of teams.

A fight for worthiness.

But how was I supposed to win when all the signs told me I didn’t belong?

When all the signs were carved with arrows screaming for me to EXIT?

This was a puzzle that everyone around me had already completed.

4 months passed and I still lay defeated,

These pieces didn’t fit like they used to,

My brain couldn’t solve the algorithm like it used to.

My inability to piece the puzzle together labeled me a misfit.

Like a flightless bird in a flock of doves.

I could not soar like the others,

My wings never fluttered as theirs did,

My feet did not trot in the same pattern,

My body did not act in the same manner,

My tongue did not speak their words,

There was no instruction manual on how to conform.

I wanted so desperately to understand their ways.

To crack the code on this puzzle of theirs.

I begged for any information they were willing to give.

But all I was taught is that I can’t fit old puzzle pieces in a new puzzle.

That I can’t keep my values if I wish to be a part of their puzzle.