Him

What up bois....Ya girl is back and is still kinda stresso depresso. But it just really do be like that amirite ladies!! Anyways on to why I'm posting this. Last week I told the guy I like that I liked him and it was a bad idea. He's the same guy I was posting about earlier this year and why did I start liking him again??? I guess it was because I never really stopped, I just got distracted with everything about guard and I thought Marching Band would be a great continuous distraction from him, until he joined. Once band camp started I knew I was gonna be in deep shit with my feelings for him and I was right because obviously he doesn't like me back. And I guess I'm using this as an outlet to talk to people about it, without specifically talking to a certain person. It's a lot easier to post on here for me because at least on here I can't convince myself that I'm bothering someone because I'm not actually talking to someone. But I ended avoiding him last week because I didn't want him to look at him weirdly or worse watch him look at me differently. I guess that was pretty hypocritical of me since when I told him how I felt, I asked him not to act differently around me. I guess it's okay though because at our practice yesterday, he actually said my name and looked at me and I actually didn't feel awkward around him in the moment. It's weird though because I don't cry anymore when I think about the fact that he doesn't like me (I don't blame him though). I feel like I'm over him, but I see him being himself and I start thinking about how much I want to be the person making him smile and I feel like shit, but I don't cry because of him anymore. I don't really know what to make of it, so I guess I'm writing it down to make some sense of it.